Movie review: (horror) “The Final” (2010)

December 11, 2010 at 10:45 pm (horror, movies)

 Well, it’s been an exceptionally decent Horrorfest, overall, but my luck was bound to run out. This is a real woofer.

The premise isn’t bad. A bunch of bullied high school kids scheme to get even with their tormentors, not going the regular school shooting route. Instead they decide to capture thei mean kids and torture them. Okay, fair enough.

At best I expected wrenching social commentary. At worst, Hostel for High Schoolers. Either way sounded OK to me. But what did I get? A nap. Well, a celluloid sleeping pill, anyway.

The first half-hour is the setup. The mean kids are mean. The bullied kids are bullied. Most of the actors are awful. The dialog is truly, deeply awful. But by the time that half-hour is over, you’re ready to see some bully-blood fly.

Not so much. There’s an awful lot of talking and bloviating by Dane, the leader of the bullied kids. Very, very little onscreen gore. WTF? If you’re not giving me a good script, at least give me hideous mutilations.

This flick was only 90 minutes long, but it dragged so badly I thought it was twice that. Every single character was an utter cliche. Hell, there was even a crazed Vietnam vet, a cliche we don’t see very often anymore, but a cliche none the less. One really good like in the entire movie, spoken by the lone (and heroici) black kid.

I’m giving it two stars instead of one, because a few of the kids were actually decent actors. Especially the girl who played the bullied yet sadistic Emily. There were a few grace notes in this movie. The tall, lanky kid quietly playing the banjo during torture scenes was poetic. And there was one truly disturbing scene involving the biggest bully.

But overall, just boring. It could have been so much better. Dude, I could have come up with much, MUCH worse things to do to the kids who were mean to me in high school…

-Rated R
-2 out of 5 stars
-Nobody should watch this dreck

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