Movie review: (horror) “Philosophy of a Knife” (2008)

December 11, 2010 at 6:42 pm (horror, movies)

 Yow. What a steaming pile of crap. 4+ hours of steaming crap, to be exact.

This is the second movie I’ve seen about the infamous Unit 731. (The other flick, a Chinese movie called “Men Behind the Sun,” is another steaming pile of crap.) Som…eday, someone will make a good, serious documentary about this horror. But so far, it’s just inspired torture pornapaloozas.

This movie is, first and foremost, incredibly boring. There are endless exterior shots of buildings and snow. There’s a ten-minute scene of a nurse playing a mouth harp. (WTF?) Then there’s endless, graphic, grotesque violence. Lots and lots of it.

Y’know, I’m kind of a gorehound. I have nothing against graphic violence. But there’s something obscene about a torture porn “art film” based on actual WWII atrocities.

And to add insult to injury, the filmmakers didn’t put enough research into this thing. Half of the tortures depicted onscreen were, well, pulled out of somebody’s butt. (“Men Behind the Sun,” while revolting, at least attempted to depict the facts of what went on in the camp. It also shows the actual deaths of a number of animals onscreen. Charming.) And the gore in “knife” is wildly uneven. Most of it is totally unrealistic.

I could go on and on about the stupidity of this movie. Well, I already kinda have. But here’s the point. Just because a movie claims to be the most shocking thing ever made doesn’t mean it’s any good whatsoever. And yes, I’m talking to you, “August Underground” and
Murder-Set-Pieces.”

If you want to see something really nasty, graphic, shocking, and actually good, go rent “Martyrs.” And if you barf, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

-Not rated
-2 out of 5 stars
-Not for kids. Nobody should watch this. You’ll never get that chunk of your life back.

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