Movie Review: (horror) “The Human Centipede: First Sequence” (2009)

December 10, 2010 at 3:24 am (horror, movies)

I’m vaguely embarrassed to admit that I enjoyed–in fact, had fun with, a movie this gross. But Dieter. DIETER LASER! OMIGOD! He was amazing. Scariest sumbitch I’ve ever seen onscreen. His character wasn’t just a misguided mad scientist like Dr. Frankensteiin. He was a demented mad scientist with a nasty sense of humor and a streak of sadism a mile wide.

He was big fun to watch when he was going off on a rant, but his quiet moments were almost terrifying. And it’s not just because he’s an unusual-looking guy. (He kinda looks like the skinny love child of Christopher Walken and Udo Kier.) He just manages to put out this feeling of…wrongness. There’s something badly, deeply wrong with this guy, Dr. Heiter, and he can’t hide it to save his life.

This movie is filled with perverse little tidbits of humor. Every time they showed the pet gravestone in the doctor’s yard, which read “My Sweet 3-Dog,” I just cracked up. When I call my 3 dogs from now on, I’m just gonna yell “3-DOG! COME IN, 3-DOG!”

The girls at the start of the movie were so irritating I couldn’t wait for them to get their mouths sewed to…well, you know. Cute Japanese guy was great, and his character had an excellent twist to it. LOVED the ending of the movie. Try not to find out what it is before you see it.

A lot of my friends were curious as to whether I’d find this film extremely disgusting or disturbing. Nope, not really. The premise is just so damn silly, it’s hard to get serious about it. The 3 young actors in the centipede do a great job, but it’s still just a goofy freakin’ idea.

Oh, and although there actually isn’t nearly as much gore as I was expecting, there’s plenty of deeply disturbing stuff. I think this would appeal to hardcore horror fans only. Like meeeeee!

Dieter Laser is 68 years old, although he looks like he’s in his mid 50’s. Where has he been all my life? Oh right, making German movies! This is (I believe) his first American movie. Now I’m gonna get obsessed and watch him in every German movie I can get my hands on.

Oh, and if there’s a moment when you’ll want to puke, it’s when Dieter yells FEEEEEEED HER! ew ew ew ew ew

-5 out of 5 stars (just because I got such a huge kick out of it)
-Super-nasty. Hardcore horror fans only!


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