Movie review: (horror) “Hell’s Ground” (2007)

December 10, 2010 at 7:08 pm (dark comedy, horror, movies)


OH MAN did I ever get a huge kick out of this movie! It’s a Pakistani slasher flick! You’ll hear people call it a zombie movie, and it’s true, there are zombies in it. For about five minutes. For no good reason other than the fact that the …director digs zombies. Hey, that’s cool with me.

This flick starts out like almost any American horror movie. Five very Westernized Pakistani teens lie to their parents (gasp) in order to take a road trip to see their favorite band. Unfortunately for them, there’s something in the water that’s causing people to turn into zombies. Even more unfortunately for them, they run into a crazed family of hillbilly cannibals. The “Leatherface” of the family is a gigantic mace-weilding dude in a burqa, which I found hysterically funny. It’s a self-cleaning burqa, too. It keeps getting soaked with blood, then it mysteriously goes back to dingy white so it can get soaked again.

The kids are great. They basically match American horror stereotypes. Spoiled brat, party boy, good girl, etc. The really entertaining thing is, they break into English from time to time, for no apparent reason. They’ll be chatting along in their melodic Pakistani, when all of a sudden one of the guys will yell “Ah shit! That’s blood!” Priceless. Just priceless. They even drive a kind of funky-ass Pakistani Mystery Machine. The hillbillies are great, especially the mom.

I have never seen such abuse of fog machines. There are times when you can practically see the nozzle of the damn thing, belching out white clouds of DOOOOOOM! And the sound design is awesome. Somebody gets hit in the head with a rock, and it sounds like somebody slamming a pair of 2x4s together.

I wouldn’t put up with all this stuff in a low budget American movie for more than ten minutes. But the fact that it’s from Pakistan, and the fact that the writer and director financed it entirely with his chain of ice cream shops, make it unique and charming. Plus, darn good gore!

Bonus: An actor who evidently played Dracula in the Pakistani version of the film (who knew?) plays an, um, unhinged Chai dealer. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THAT? Awesome blood-soaked Saturday-night fun!

-Not rated
-4 out of 5 stars
-Probably OK for older teens who are into horror

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