Movie review: (horror) “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (2010)

December 10, 2010 at 4:06 am (horror, movies)

  Oh. Mah. Gah. What a steaming pile of crap. I mean, I went into this thing with low expectations, but I had no idea. Like the kids in the movie, I had to fight to stay awake, because I was being BORED TO DEATH.

I had a tiny ray of hope for this movie when I saw that Jackie Earl Haley was playing Freddie. He absolutely shone in Watchmen. Unfortunately, his subtle, low-key acting style doesn’t translate well when he has a HALF INCH OF LATEX on his face. This is an actor who can unnerve you with a twitch of a muscle in his face. The Freddy makeup reduced him to a goofy-looking alien pizza thing with a mouth that moved like Kermit the Frog’s. Sad. Just sad.

The “young” actors in the movie were no great shakes. For one thing, some of them looked about 25, and regardless of age, some of them were as flat as three-day-old root beer. The ones who could act didn’t really get a chance to. The writing was bland, and the direction dull.

I have never seen such boring nightmare sequences. I have better nightmares than that at least twice a week. The word “unimaginative” kept popping into my poor, sleepy brain as I sucked down yet another diet Coke and tried to stay awake until the end of the flick.

I almost gave this thing a second star, because the final scene is pretty great. I had to watch it several times. But y’know, it just didn’t save this gigantic yawn of a movie.

Sorry, JEH. I still think you’re an awesome actor. But Robert Englund is the only Freddy for me.

-Rated R
-1 out of 5 stars
-OK it’s gory, but I don’t think it could scare a real (original) “Nightmare on Elm Street” fan


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